My Serenity

I spent some time this morning reading all my old posts about Serenity’s leukemia. It made me a little sad. I miss the sweet happy child she used to be. I miss her cute long thick hair. But I was reminded how far we have come since those first days. It’s just like I’d been told; life goes on and leukemia just becomes a part of it.

I realized that I haven’t blogged for awhile and I feel a little guilty. There is a lot to say, but I haven’t had much free time.

This past weekend we went to a family camp put on by Candlelighters. It was just amazing. We spent the night in a cabin near Snow College and spent the entire time interacting with other families touched by childhood cancer. We played family bingo, hiked, did crafts, made a family flag, competed in family olympics, ate good food and watched movies. It was everything I had hoped for. It was so nice for the other kids to be around new friends and everyone had fun and didn’t think about cancer, all the while being with people who know exactly what it is like to think about cancer all the time. Most of the other children were cured and off treatment and it was a wonderful thing to see them. In fact with a few of the families I wasn’t sure which child was the “cancer kid”. We came home with extra food, beautiful quilts for each child, matching T-shirts, and knitted caps. It was really, really neat.

I have been trying for a few days to get a good picture of Serenity that depicts how sick she looks to me. She has done surprisingly well since our last clinic visit, considering how much chemo she is getting. But she looks so very sick to me. I had her in the grocery store the other day and the checker said to me, “She either just woke up or she is getting sick.” I just smiled; it is easier sometimes not to explain.

She feels so thin to me. I am anxious to get her weighed at the clinic on Friday because I’ll be shocked if she hasn’t lost weight. She isn’t eating very much, but she is making up for it by nursing. She is nursing almost around the clock. I am so tired, and I feel like I’m not giving the twins enough of my attention.

Serenity’s hair is growing back in and she reminds me of a fuzzy little bird. She touches her head a lot and tells me, “My hair!” as if she is proud to have it. I expect it will fall out during this next phase of treatment, which is supposed to be the most intense. I am a bit concerned that she will be upset by it.

We have our visit on Friday at the clinic and if all goes well, she won’t go back until the end of September.